Journal Entry: November 7, 2007

"Wow!  What a very long time it has been since I have written in here.  I so hope that my heart accurately records what my spirit has felt-both lows and highs.  I still feel that I cannot share the huge trial that I am faced with daily & that is looming still before me.  Just know this - besides having a child die, I cannot imagine a greater trial.

"Yet, in the midst of this - I feel the tender mercies of the Lord lifting me up.  This sure doesn't mean that life is peachy - I, unfortunately, hit such horrible lows where I spend a day crying-bitter and angry at those causing this situation as well as the Lord.  At my low times I spend too much time in the "It's not fairs" and the "Why me?".  It is so not fair & so not fun, but when I rely on my Savior I know I will be okay - no matter what the future holds.

"I have been blessed with:

1. strong, supportive friends, esp. Jennifer and Amy
2. the right gen. conf. talks speaking to me.
3. my calling and other responsibilities.
4. greater dependence on my Savior
5. greater empathy for those around me.

"Today, I had to teach Relief Society again.  I really struggled with it, as the last time I taught - that same day was the day all my sorrows began & my life changed forever.  Luckily, the Lord just used me as His mouthpiece - I don't even really recall what was said - He just helped me & I am so grateful."

(copied word for word from said Journal entry...even trying to be true to the punctuation I used at that time.)