"Holy cow! I wonder if I have EVER gone this long without writing. I have absolutely no idea where to begin. The last 6 1/2 months..have been really tough. It has never been so difficult in all my life. Again, I don't know how much is appropriate to share - but it has been more difficult than you can imagine unless you happen to know the whole story. Just know my heart has never been so broken. Unfortunately, it has really taken a toll on me emotionally. I have changed a lot. I am more sensitive & more negative & pessimistic.
"Yet, on the other hand, I have NEVER been closer to my Savior, Jesus Christ. I KNOW He lives. I KNOW He loves me. I KNOW He knows me & that each tear is known to Him.... I am so incredibly grateful for Him. It is only through Him that I can be saved.
"I am so grateful for all the angels in my life that have buoyed me up. I have a very loving Bishop, supportive family & friends that are angels!
This whole experience has strengthened my testimony. I KNOW the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is the church established by our Savior to help bring us closer to Him & allow us to return to our Heavenly Father again. One blessing of this trial is that I feel so clearly my own divinity. The veil is sometimes so thin.
Last week, I really almost lost all I've been fighting for, so I am actually going to see a professional counselor tomorrow. I am nervous about it. I haven't ever done this before. Also this week I have been trying to remember to "live the life you love" and "love the life I live."
"....It will be a great week. As far as my broken heart, I am healing a little at a time. I remember the Bishop saying at the beginning that there will be moments of joy and hours of sorrow. This has proved true. At least I know where to go to gain strength."
(Copied word for word from said Journal entry, only omitting dates that would be identifying.)
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